A dip into Serenity

Wednesday

It's been a full two months since my last entry. I've tried to write this one many times but I couldn't find the words even now I'm not sure what to write. I have a car, two jobs, my professor responded to my heartfelt email, I'm broke, but okay with it; and i have a dog. I have a dog with my girlfriend. It's our dog. I'm not sure how to feel about it but I'm happy he's ours. I think I might re-vamp my 'book-reviews' page into a journal and see how that works out.

posted: 10/23/2023, 8:26 am

Tired but still trucking

so Okay, i did lowkey give up on the reading page. I might turn it into a page of essays. However, my job is going well. I'm tired still, but things are going better. Things are going better. I'm getting my car very very soon. FUCK I NEED AN ENEGRY DRINK. anyways I love my life and my girlfriend. The Barbie movie is a complacent movie.

posted: 8/23/2023, 10:20 am

Busy Busy Busy

still busy, still tired. It seems like I'm never not going to not be be busy nor tired infact, although I got my finaid back. It's still going to be rough. I'm going to have to juggle two jobs alongside 4 classes and my rent just went up and my girlfriend is upset that I have to keep working. My finaid isn't enough. I'm tired. I am. That's okay. I'm going to pull through. Sorry for not finishing 1984, I'm still working on that just been busy busy busy. Redbull has become my new favorite enegry drink <3 please and love on the plant earth

posted: 8/3/2023, 3:42 pm

Everything is Difficult

Everything sucks and is hard. I got hired at Hawaiian Bros but I'm still training. Still need to get my car situation figured out. Never got into beta minecraft, instead I got really into DND. I submitted my finaid appeal then got so overwhelmed I started crying at the front desk at my job. I also got a write-up but for missing New Student Orientation, I wonder if my co-worker did too, but I doubt it. I'm so exhausted I want to cry. I've cried on Monday and Tuesday, I'm starting to wonder if that's just going to be the trend this week. My girlfriend is miserable. She can't stay in her room in the apartment and she can't stay in mine. Her room is a mess and I need to clean it, but I am just so tired. But every second she stays in my room the worse her asthma gets because of my cat. She's started wheezing today. She doesn't think we can live together anymore

I just need more money. I need to set her up doctor appointments for real allergy medication, but I can barely afford rent and I haven't be able to buy groceries since school ended, it's been all her. What sucks even more is that her income is going to end once summer is over. I just want to cry. She's so miserable and I can't do anything about it. She miserable in her own room, in my room, about our roommates, about our apartment, about the fact we never have time, and how we never have money. I need my car, but I have to deal with my parents and they give me so much more unnecessary stress on top of all this. I just want her to be happy. For us to be happy, It's just so hard to keep up with everything all the time. She's also miserable because I have to work multiple jobs and I've tried explaining that I don't want to do that. I sincerely don't but it doesn't matter; it still makes her miserable that we have to be apart even though I don't have a choice. I don't and there's nothing I can do to soften this fact, no matter what I tried.

I try really hard and every day, and it still gets harder. I know at work I haven't been the best and maybe I never will be. But I am just tired and sad. I feel nobody understands and nobody can be here for me. My girlfriend tries, but I don't think she knows how to be there for me. I don't think this is a concept I could ever even explain, I just feel she doesn't have the patience for my misery. Maybe I never let her be there for me because of these static ideas that I can't seem to let go. And how could I blame her for that? I just wish somebody recognized what I've been going through and will have the patience for me, but maybe everybody has already expended all the effort they could and I just keep asking for more and more as I dig my own grave

Edit 2:18 pm: Being hysterical comes to me super ez, also after talking with my girlfriend have having two coffees; 1 java monster and a large extra shot latte I'm finally fucking chill. Jesus Christ. I think I got issues or something idk

posted: 7/19/2023, 9:50 am

Getting Things Done

Not on here lol. Went to my required therapy appointment, and got another one on Friday. Got my license! Now need to get my car situation figured out. I'm really into beta minecraft now. I tried the new frontier mod, love it, but i wanna try a bit more I downloaded the Mango pack, but honestly I feel like its a bit bloated and hard to navigate. I'm going to try the Better than Wolves Mod, it seems pretty difficult so I'm a bit excited. Other than that I'm waiting on a response from Hawaiian bros as I am LOW ON FUNDS. Besides my money situation everything seems to be going my way for now.

Just need to get a few more things done and I'll be good to go

posted: 7/10/2023, 11:37 am

Finished Clone High Season 2!

Not much of an update besides me waiting until the last minute to do my 6-hour driving course. Ugh, I know that's going to bite me in the ass soon, but my girlfriend and I finished watching the second season of Clone High. The first half is pretty rough to get through but after that it really seems to find its footing and becomes an absolute joy to watch. The episode going into Mr.B's backstory was an amazingly fun watch.

On top, of that I think I have to draft my reading reviews as maybe typing straight into the html isn't the best for being coherent, so I'll probably have to start a google doc or a onenote for that. But I'm excited for the new page I made! The page I got inspo from was this site which I like the calmer and stable structure esp for something that is meant to be on the more serious side. I will have to find similar inspiration for my art page since I'm not quite sure how to format that one. I do want to implent the feature where the photos become larger when you click on the little icons of them.

Also soon, I'm going to go to my therapy appointment soon and start my new second job. I'm very excited as it is a much smaller place than Whataburger which is much more my speed, I do hope I can pull my weight there as I wasn't actually good at my job there :/. I want to do good at this one especially since I made such a good impression on the general manager. But I guess we'll just have to wait and see :/

posted: 7/4/2023, 7:20 pm

New Page Added

So I changed the main interface a little and finally finished the interface of the reading page which I'm pretty proud of! It might seem simple but it was complicated for me to figure out and hopefully it'll encourage me to read a bit. When I get bored of that or bored in general I'll add the other pages I plan to add. Other than that I enourage you to look at it! It doesnt have any real content on it unforunately, but like I said I'm pretty proud of the whole thing.

posted: 7/3/2023, 8:00 am

Left Bar Update

Okay so I got it the size I wanted, but i just can't get the bar to shrink how id like it too. So we're just gonna deal with that I guess because I want to move onto to working on my reading list page. I mean I photoshopped a header for it and everything! Why wouldn't I want to use it? I barely even know how to use photoshop. For now, I'll just do the like structure before decorating it and adding content.

posted: 6/29/2023, 11:26 am

Fixing some things

There's going to be small changes here and there on the page as I have deeply messed up on the left bar. I put too many flexboxes within flexboxes to the point that it was just dumb. I'm attempting to get the computer to shrink to the size of the box whenever the window shrinks. It should be simple! I thought I figured it out of the reading page, I'm working on when I got the banner to shrink alongside the box. This is what happens when you don't fully understand what's going on so you keep going and going and going until you realize that you've made your own problems and now you have to retrace your steps.

ughhhh... but goodnews is tha I'm gonna get my computer charger back tomorrow and I can finallly use my own personal computer, god it's a piece of shit, but I missed it. You don't know what you have until you lose it.

Other than I brought my own oatmilk into to work to use as creamer, and I NEED to make it thicker. I like my coffee nice and smooth and sweet, and my current batch is just wayyyy to thin for what I need. So next time I'm trying a 2 to 3 ratio. And since I'm on topic I'll give you a quick easy recipe to make your own oatmilk.

First you need like regular oats, make sure they're not instant. You need water, ice, a blender, cheesecloth/nutmilk bag, salt. Optional but not needed are Syrup/Honey/Dates(?) and Vanilla Extract.

Personally I have never used dates, so you're on your own for that

Depending on how thick you want your milk, you can either do a 1-3 ratio of oats-water or a 2-3. It doesn't matter. Pour your oats into the blender. btw we're using cups
Now you're going to a pinch of salt.
Optional Step, but mandatory for me, is to add the sweeteners. You can either do Honey or Syrup, whatever kind you like. You CANNOT do sugar because we'll be using ice cold water and everyone knows the sugar won't dissolve in cold water. It's like attempting to make your own sweet tea at a restaurants where they only have 'regular' tea. It's just not good.
Next you'll pour in your ICE- ice included, cold cups of water, do not let it sit with the oats for too long otherwise, you're just making cold oatmeal
Then you're going to blend your oats on high/puree/both for 30 seconds
Last step is to strain your oatmilk! If you do not have a nutmilk like some people(me), you can strain multiple times with a cheese cloth. This is the longest part btw
Enjoy!

posted: 6/27/2023, 4:15 pm

Morning Update (2)

Okay ngl, I got kinda bored, so second update in a row!

There's a lot of things I want to do I want to read, write, draw, browse websites, but since there's so much to do I don't know which one I want to do the most.

Maybe there's a good sketching reference website on here, thatd be really nice since I've just been using fashion magazines on archive.org. Highly, recommend tbh. They give you nice authentic poses that don't feel too forced, and can see somewhat natural.

That reminds me maybe today I should start a page to show off my drawings. I'm not that good per say as I don't practice as much as I should and I don't practice what I need to practice. I really need to hone in on drawing objects, perspective, etc. But those things are just so boring to me, and yet you can't bring characters to life without grounding them in some sort of background, you know? Like yeah, I can draw portraits all I want to keep my techinical skill up, but what does that mean if I want to focus on character design? My long-long-long term goal, but to hopefully get a drawing tablet and learn how to draw digitally. That way maybe I could learn how to at least story board, but that's a long-shot away.

Before work, I checked out '1984' on Libby. I really need to get into the classics and one day that means I have to read shakespeare, but goddamn do I not want to do that. I know he's so fundmental like the bible in English literature, but the way everyone hypes his ass up pisses me off. Like if i want to get into the fundmentals of literature I would much prefer and like to read the bible. Old/New Testament. Maybe I could stare a page, to liveblog my readings, wouldn't that be funny? Somebody liveblogging their reactions to the bible of all things. I actually want to do that now lol. So my plans for this website are to add three more pages to this blog 1. would be my shrine, 2. would be drawing page, then 3. would be my reading page. For my reading page, I would divide each book up into fourths, and post my thoughts each fourth section. Since I'm learning javascript, I would like to make a chatbox one for the mainpage here which I would put under my 'last-edit' tab, and another one for my shrine. Although I might go ahead and add one on all pages just for hell of it. I want to be able to interact with people here!

Those are my current plans as of right now, but they'll always be subject to change and will definitely take a long time. I might go ahead later and start setting up the structure for

posted: 6/26/2023, 10:42 am

Morning Update

I quit my job at Whataburger which was not very smart of me. I might go next week, but I dont really care at this point. The management is honestly awful, co-workers are nice but I cannot stand the management.

I didn't quit without a backup plan that would be beyond dumb, I got another fast food job at a smaller joint. The manager seemed much nicer to be honest. That reminds me I need to send her my current work schedule at my main job lol.

But in other words, I just couldn't do it with Whataburger, I came in with my current 10g septum ring which I got a lot of compliments on! I forgot to bring a mask to cover it up and they said I couldn't work which is like fine; but I'm not going to put in the extra enegry to WALK to a store 30 minutes away to buy a fucking mask when I can't even afford lunch at my own goddamn job, so I walked home instead. From there I decided to just not go the next day, I mean it just isn't worth it. I'm absolutely miserable there. Like I literally got hired at another place an HOUR beforehand and simply showing up tanked my whole mood

I know its not professional, but the managers are such hardasses as if I'm stupid, and maybe some people are but not me. The only bad thing is...I really can't afford this. That's why I'm considering going in next week, but I don't know.

I added some nice looking buttons from this website. Other than that there's not much update around the javascript learning. It's going to be MUCH slower than I originally anticpated, but what can you do? I made this website to be a judgement-free learning zone, so I can take however long I like. If anything a little place to vent is rather nice. I did schedule my therapist appointment so I'm the most on track to get off academic probation than I ever been. Not excited for the price tho...eugh. Although I'm very much NOT ON TRACK to getting my license, I guess you win some and you lose some, but it's only suppose to be 6 hours, so if I finally get my ass in gear, maybe I can make it on time. But it's whatever.

Hopefully I can do another update soon.

posted: 6/26/2023, 9:40 am

Temporary Break

So Life got in the way lol. I wanted this to be a summer long project, unforunately three weeks ago, I got pretty bad news. That made it to where I didn't really have the patience for javascript at the moment.

I want to work on this site consistently, but it's going to be a lot more sporatic that I originally anticipatied. Which makes me kinda sad, I wanted to add a shrine page here that would be interactive, and REALLY get this site to go somewhere. I guess that's not going to happen any time soon lol.

Im stressing about the usual things money, school, and work. I have two things I need to get done my driving course, so I can do my driving test, and getting my counseling appointments to be set in stone, but I'm kinda scared so stupid me as usual is putting it off. I shouldn't be doing that honestly, putting things off got me into this mess in the first place. I'll try to learn a bit more javascript when I can, but I'll admit it's a LOT more difficult than html and flex boxes, and I just sort started understanding flex boxes.

That's the only update I have for now, enjoy the page

posted: 6/20/2023, 4:01 pm

REAL TIME CLOCK REAL

I finally figured out how to add that clock! To be honest, I don't fully understand the javascript as I did copy and paste it, but I will try to look more indepth to understand it. If you look through my inspect the original developer did add little comments so you know what specific commands do what. It's a very miniscule step but a step in the right direction nevertheless.

My main goal is now to evenutally attempt to deconstruct a javascript chat/comment box so that I am able to build it myself. Once I get those things out of the way I'll be adding more pages to this website! It should be fun since by then I'll have a fuller grasp on flex boxes and javascript. Then I'll also narrow down more so what I want this site to be rather than simply having sit and be a learning process. Also when you inspect I would not reccomend looking at how many div's I have cause it's a little ridiculous ngl.

posted: 5/26/2023, 2:41 pm

I hate tutorials

I was really excited to learn javascript but the first tutorial I used decided to make the first step by step example wrong to 'teach me' how to think like a programmer. I thought it was stupid honestly.

I would rather jump straight into learning how to understand the code and learn that what does what, and get into the problem solution stuff later as that is a naturally occuring aspect that comes with LEARNING. Idk call me immature and/or stupid, but i did not care for that.

posted: 5/24/2023, 12:31 pm

This the main box

Words, updates, anything

Anything goes here

This website is meant to be very experimental on my part. I want to use it to freely learn code without having to worry. Expect a LOT of changes ranging from minor to very funky looking. If something doesn't look right don't worry. I'm trying my best to fix it as soon as possible. Before I had somewhat mastered basic html/css so I had decided to finally learn flex boxes which is the product that you see before you. Now That I'm somewhat done with that I will be playing with JavaScript. My main goal as of right now is to get my website to have a date and time display, and to implent a chatbox or comment box.

<-- That's java script (disabled: 6/20/23 4:29pm)

I hope you enjoy checking out my website to see all the changes that occur.

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